Love Your.......Something,

I've always been the go-to girl for my listening expertise and great advice. I always feel like I have to paint a smile on my face to make others feel better, no matter how I actually feel inside. So when do I get to be the ventee? My friend recently suggested writing in a secret blog. So.....here I am. It's finally my turn to vent.

Last night, I watched 27 Dresses and it got me wondering, is that going to be me someday? Am I always just going to be the bridesmaid? or in my case, just the friend? Sure, friends are great! I love my friends, but why is it that all of the guys I've known have just wanted to be my friend? Will I ever be any more than that? or maybe I'll just be that girl who he can always talk to when he's upset. That girl who has the Zelda game he wants to play. That girl who has super-speedy internet he sometimes uses to play his favorite online game. That girl that is totally cool with just being friends.....or so he thinks....

Dear Kalel,

The truth is, I'm not ok with it. The truth is that you are one of the nicest, sweetest, funniest guys I have ever met. We have so much in common; music, movies, sense of humor, sarcasm, the way we both bottle things up and don't let them out often. Except there is one thing that bugs me about you. Why is it that you seem like the most amazing person when we are together and no one else is around, but you act sooo different when there are other people around?

Now I know that the person you are when you're with just me is the person you really are. There is no way you could have pretended for ALL these years to be someone else. I know the real you and the real you would never act like you are better than everyone else. The real you would never ignore me. So where does the real Kalel go when those little red heads and the jerk are around, huh? Are you just trying to fit in? Do you really care that much about what other people think about you that you are willing to change who you are? Who you are is why I like you. Just be you and if they don't like that then they aren't worth it anyway.

I don't think you realize how amazing you truly are. But I do. That's the reason that I can't get over you. That's why I did all those things with 23, I liked it when you called. That's why I didn't talk to my friend for a whole week, she hurt you and your family. You didn't deserve that. That is why I get so excited and nervous everytime you come over. I don't even care if you are boring me with that game you love to play so much. I ignore how bored I am and enjoy that fact that you are actually here. I like YOU and I don't really think that will ever change.

Love your....something,
lyss

That is exactly what I wish I could say to him. But I just can't. Part of me wishes that he would just stumble upon my blog and read it, because I don't think I actually have the guts to say it face-to-face.

~lyss