Yes, I know. So it's been a while. I have to get this out though or else I'll end up being one of those crazy old ladies with 20 cats and talks to herself. Oh wait, that's actually pretty accurate except for the part about being old. 19 isn't old. Holy crap, I'm almost twenty. umm....yeah, not the topic I was going for.
Moving on....
So let me begin this by explaining how I started thinking about how crazy I might be. Well, maybe not CrAzY..just a little...romantically challenged.
Tonight, I watched a movie called Everything You Want. It's about a girl who has had an imaginary boyfriend since she was five. She is now in college, still pretend dating the same guy, when she meets another REAL guy who she kind of likes but tells him she has a boyfriend.
During a majority of this movie, I couldn't believe that she had went that long just imagining having this perfect boyfriend. I mean, they talked about everything, went to movies, made snow angels, and she would paint and draw him constantly.
And then I thought about it. I'm kind of like her....
I didn't dream up an imaginary boyfriend, but I do sometimes imagine dating guys that I know or have just met. I'm not just talking about fantasizing or dreaming or thinking about it. It's more like...I act it out. Not in public though, just when I'm alone. I take the people that I know and come up with some sort of situation or "scene" and actually sorta act it out. Sometimes I imagine doing things that I can't do, like dancing or playing the guitar.
A lot of these situations or scenes, though, involve a boyfriend. I think it's because I don't really know what it feels like to have a REAL boyfriend. So when I like someone, or -think- I like someone, I act like they are mine. Sometimes, I think I imagine things so much that I desperately want it to be real even if it can't or shouldn't happen.
This is what I think happened with Kalel. You've seen those fairytale-like romantic comedies where the guy and girl have known each other their whole lives and in the end fall in love. I always wanted that to happen to me. Kalel was the closest thing I would ever have to that. I just -thought- that we belonged together and that it would happen someday. So I imagined it. I acted it out. I did it so much, I started to really believe it.
I don't really like him that way. I never did. I just fell in love with an imaginary boyfriend.
