Is This A Big Deal, Or Am I Just Making It One?

My drama never seems like a big deal to the rest of the world. I am honestly not used to having MY OWN drama. It is always someone else's. So, when I do have drama/stress of my own, it is a big deal to ME but not to OTHERS.

Anyway, on to my not-a-very-big-deal-to-everyone-else drama.

First of all, let me recap and explain my last blog. I thought that I had finally gotten over Kalel. I told myself that I was done, and then...I just was. It was stange, but I was proud of myself. I finally did it. I got over him!

or not...

Suddenly, he was found holding some other girl's hand and it made me feel very...not over him. Great...That is just what I needed...Also, he is being very secretive about her. Are they just friends? or more? Who the heck is she? What is her name? All I know about her is what school she goes to, she has red steaks in her hair and he is going to prom with her.

Now, Prom is my other part of the drama/major stress.

You see, I am not the Prom type to begin with. I have never been before, but it is my senior year and I am told that I have to. I am ok with that now. Originally, however, I was going to ask Kalel. But as you can already guess...I was too late. again. I am always too late. For everything. Late for school, any other event, boys, deadlines, everything. I think I get it from Mom.

Speaking of Mom...

For the past month, she has been talking almost non-stop about Prom. She is helping to plan our Post-Prom and she has been trying to find me a date for Prom. The problem with that is, the only guy she could think of besides Kalel was Chase. Chase is a freshman...and Kalel's nephew. Is it just me or is that just a little WEIRD! Now, I thought I could just find someone else and not have to worry about it. Until Chase's mom asked my mom if I would be interested in going to Prom with him. I was already kinda weirded out, but willing to accept it. Then, Mom mentioned a double Prom date thing with Kalel and his mystery girl. WEIRDER! I don't like it. At all.

Now, for about a week I have been avoiding the whole Prom subject with Mom and Chase. I am failing miserably.

Mom won't leave me alone about it. She doesn't understand why I won't ask Chase. I tell my mom nearly everything, but not anything about boys. She doesn't know that I like Kalel. She doesn't understand how awkward it would be for me to "double date" with him. For some reason, I just can not tell her. When she asks me what is going on, all I can do is smile and laugh. I guess it's a nervous, embarassed habit? I don't know...but it's weird.

Also, I kept seeing Chase and not knowing what to say. I could tell he wanted me to ask him, but I just couldn't. If I ask him now, I will feel stupid and he will wonder or ask why I didn't ask the last two times we talked. What do I say? Do I tell him that I like his uncle? Do I leave that out and hope he doesn't ask?

Maybe I am making too big of a deal about this. I should either tell Mom or Chase. Chase might understand. He could actually help me in a way. He could tell me who mystery girl is and maybe distract me from them at Prom. That might work. But how do I know if he will agree to and understand it? I guess I have to take a risk. I am not good at risks...

~lyss

Go Figure

Have you ever been so high on sleep deprivation that you just wanted to stay up all night? Well, I wanted to last night. Usually I have to go to bed when my mom does. Partically because she has to help me get in bed, but mostly because she just wants me to go to bed. Last night, though, she got in bed at 9 something because she had a headache. Dad was getting ready to go to bed at 11 something and said, "How are you going to go to bed?"

I repied, "Maybe I won't. xD"

He said, "I don't care. It wouldn't bother me any. As long as you don't have to go to the bathroom."

It was 1 a.m. when I decided to get off the computer, sneak to my room, lay on my comfy couch, watch a movie, and pray that Mom didn't wake up. I got to my room and saw that my couch had a bunch of junk on it. I got it almost all the way cleaned off and sure enough, Mom walked in.

All I wanted was one night of freedom. One night that I could just stay up as late as I wanted. One time that I could feel like just a normal teen who stayed up way too late just because I could. I am 7 weeks away from being an adult. So why do I feel like I am 10 years old with a bed time?

This may not seem like a very big deal to anyone else. Maybe it isn't a big deal, I don't know. All I know is that I was so excited when I realized that I might have one night to do whatever I wanted. I felt somewhat free. But the second Mom walked in to my room I felt like I was being pushed back in to my cage. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. She has always been there for me. I can't thank her enough for everything she does for me on a daily basis. I just wish that sometimes she would treat me more like a 17, almost 18 year old instead of a little kid who needs help all the time and has to go to bed when she does. She doesn't mean to, but sometimes she makes me feel more handicapped than I am. All she would have to do is take me to the bathroom and put my PJs on. I could get in my bed and figure out how to pull up my covers.

Do I talk to her about it? I've tried before, she didn't really listen. I don't know what to do. Once again I am left with more questions than answers. Go figure. That's pretty much the story of my life.

~lyss